$30 for a mani-pedi? Yes, please!

A friend at work asked me if I wanted to join her for a mani-pedi on Friday (really she asked all of us and I was the only one that didn't have plans.) So, of course I said yes. Why would you say no if your plans prior to said invitation were to go home and turn on some Dr. Who while you cleaned the kitchen and maybe neatened up your sewing area? After an hour or so she asked if I was serious and I replied with a "hell yes!" and then a moment later changed it to "how much do they charge?" She had to Google it (we gals in the office are strong in the ways of the Google)  and it turns out the place she was thinking of was only $30 for a basic mani-pedi.

It was on! It was a Friday so I was in skinny jeans and a cute top&sweater combo that were not ideal for sticking your feet in the wondrous bubbling pool of water sitting in front of the massage chair. I kid you not, I was seriously contemplating cutting the sides of the jeans so that they would roll up high enough. Thankfully, despite my enormous calf muscles (and yet I still don't have cankles, praise be to the fashion gods!)  I was able to tug the hems a little more than halfway up my leg, far enough that I could place both my feet in that delightfully scented water and relax back into the kneading balls of the chair. Heh, balls.

Anyone else hit up a nail salon without really planning ahead and then realize, as they go to lift their pant legs, that there is a forest hiding under the long legs of their clothing? I, on top of having hairy legs (I'm single, who would I be shaving for? Besides it's cold out now and I'm wearing pants. Pants mean I don't have to shave because you can't see my legs anyway) but I also have a little bit of Hobbit-foot going on as well. Usually that gets shaved with the rest of my legs, but as I haven't shaved in like, 6 weeks, it was rather obvious. My hair is black, my skin is the lightest shade of Olive there is, I would say white but you'd understand why I don't if you could see my mother, and the hair is really obvious.

I felt a bit embarrassed and amused for about twenty minutes until I mentioned it to the gal from work. She hadn't noticed my Hobbit-Feet (admittedly there is only the tiniest Happy Pedi-trail) and then informed me that dudes come in for Pedicures as well so the ladies giving me the calf massage had seen much worse. With that I relaxed into the chair (I want one for my house. I will just constantly be soaking my feet and purring like a content cat all the time) and had a lovely talk with the gal. I have got to think of a better name. I mean, it's weird to use other peoples' names in your blog, right? Because what if they don't want people to know it's them? Or just don't want to be mentioned at all. I shall give them code names! Really obvious code names. Yes. Like pets, but better!

I got a mani-pedi with Ms Kitty Fantastico, the Holy Yoga Rock and Rolla. We had a good talk, all about the randomness of work and how much we weren't sure we would like the other gals that came to be at the office (each other included) but how we are all surprisingly awesome with each other. It was awesome, we both overshare a bit too much about different kinds of things, we have humor that aligns well, and it was super fun. It was our second time hanging out outside of work (the first time we went and saw Enders Game because fuck yeah!) and I really enjoy her as a person.

On that note I will leave you with one though. There is only Zuul. (That's the name of my new Betta.)

Skittles make me think of Gay Porn.

Yes, this is supposed to be a sneaky-geeky fashion blog (that gets far fewer viewers than a blogger might wish) but as it is mine, as evidenced by my name in the title, I think it gives me a little leeway to simply spout my thoughts on occasion when things really strike me as odd. Also, I am contemplating making this blog just for my random word spouts and then reposting my fashion/inspiration sets on a new blog that I have been wanting to make and advertise as being for "women who want to wear their geek to work" or something. I dunno, still working it.

SO! The random thoughts kicking through my head at the moment - Candy Is Dirty. No joke, of course it could just be my brain. It seems to be hardwired to the naughty setting, it can be very distracting at times as I am a visual thinker. I think in pictures, those pictures tend to be incredibly detailed. Admittedly, that's nice on occasion.

So Halloween was a couple of weeks ago and I don't have kids, am not sure if I want kids or not, and tend to hit up Halloween parties so that I don't have to give out candy to other peoples' kids. However, just about everyone at work is the opposite. So I get to work after Halloween and I am handed bags of candy to stick in a candy bowl for truck drivers coming into my office and whoever else may need a quick sugar rush.

It probably wouldn't have been so bad except that we were also discussing childhood television programming (because I was wearing my ridiculously awesome Care Bear socks!) and the messages those can send to children. In my brain, when you mix Care Bears and Candy I burn the brain to mouth filter and simply let out  all my thoughts on the topics at hand. It started out with the Skittles dilemma.

I don't eat Skittles, I've just never liked how they feel when they stick to your teeth as you chew them, I found it disgusting as a child. As an adult (and when I was a teen) I couldn't eat them because of their slogan. Taste the rainbow! To this day, all I can think about is gay porn. Let's touch back on that whole visual thinker comment from a few paragraphs back, shall we? Full color, incredibly detailed pictures all in my head, running through and making me laugh and gag and wish I were a gay man all at once. Yeah, you taste that rainbow.

Let's move on, shall we? Tootsie pops are also blatantly dirty - How many licks does it take to get to that center? Of course then the owl bites and I giggle because I picture a man howling in pain and for some reason that just amuses the shit out of me. That should be a Cards Against Humanity option "That Tootsie Pop Owl trying to give you head and biting down halfway through" or something equally uncomfortable that you have to play when a guy is the judge because it's fun to watch them squirm.

The list goes on, though. M&M's - they melt in your mouth, not your hand. Those awesome Cherry Gummies? Totally look like testicles. Reeses! There is no wrong way to eat a Reeses. Then they show that it gets nibbled around the outside before the center is devoured. How is that not considered raunchy? I just want to grab most of my ex-boyfriends and go "See?! Right there! Just do it that way." I mean, I could go on forever.

To be fair, I do realize that even 20 years ago these things might not have seemed quite so obviously sexual in nature, but as rampant (hah) as sexual innuendo is these days, and how easy it is to make things sound dirty? They are really just making it easier for us. So that's my random post and this is me saying that it's okay to be dirty, just try not to encourage kids to be dirty as well.

Stop buying clothes because someone else likes them!

So I spent an entire Sunday afternoon going through my mothers closet with her pulling together Fall/Winter outfits for work. She works for Boeing (big surprise, it is the Greater Seattle Area after all) and she dresses nicely for work. Hidden in her closet was a hell of a lot more than she'd realized. It took about 4 hours but I got 43 work-appropriate outfits together for her and then took pictures so she doesn't have to think about it in the morning. Included in that was a power suit that she hadn't realized she even owned. It's amazing what you don't know is in your own closet.

Now, that is just the things that I put together for her on Sunday. She already had her pre-approved pant suits and the common outfits that I'd put together for her before then. Admittedly I've had a hand in her closet for many years now, since I was a pre-teen actually, so it's no surprise that she's got so much to work with. It amazes me when she tells me she doesn't understand how I put together clothes that make her look thinner, stronger, more confident - especially as this is the woman that raised me to be strong willed and to think for myself. She's not exactly a meek miss. In fact sometimes I forget basic facts about her personality because she seems so incredibly tough, like nothing should faze her. Again, I am her daughter, so I guess I just get to look at her in a different light.

My mom HATES shopping. No, I shouldn't say that. She doesn't mind it when she is shopping for others. It's more that she hates shopping for herself (especially with me in tow) because she has to try things on in a public dressing room. Where people might see her. Where the tiny rooms have walls that want to close in on her (I am so glad I am not claustrophobic.) It's usually not so bad in the beginning, when everything is shiny and new and I haven't worn her out with a hike through every single store in the mall. I'm making this seem terrible, I know, but I guess that's just who we are. That and we get distracted by pretty much anything that looks like it could be vaguely interesting. It's what we affectionately call Attention Deficit - Ooh, Shiny! (ADOS) in my family. To get back on topic, Do you know why Mom still goes with me on these treks? It's because despite disliking trying things on, despite the itty bitty changing rooms, despite all the pretty things not meant for a petite woman blessed with actual boobs - there are treasures still to be found.

You have to do the work if you want to look good. For most of us out here in what I like to call the real world, we can't just toss on the first five things we see in a store and look amazing in all of them. There are color palettes, there are cuts, seams, and jeans with giant pockets that make you look like you have a pancake ass. Well, they make me look like I have a pancake ass ... You have to try things on to see if they fit and at the store is the best place to do it. It's fairly standard thinking that you will likely never love an item of clothing as much as you do when you first see it at the store. Hanging up on the ugly plastic hanger with that shiny price tag dangling like a little paper temptress, it's magical how even ugly prints suddenly look intriguing to the eye. Again, it's why you have to try things on. Once the allure of "I will be the first to touch it!" has dissipated, you can (hopefully) be a bit more honest with yourself in regards to what it really looks like once you've put it on.

Your first reaction will probably be the most accurate reaction you have. If it's a sudden "oh, god, no!" take it back off. Don't go out to the tri-fold mirror, do not try to see yourself from every angle, and for all that is holy, do not think "well ... I guess it could work" just because you don't want to go find something else! Once you get that item home it will live in the back of your closet and plot your destruction, it will try to start a cult for fellow closet rejects to join so that it can lead them to your doom! Just leave it behind, it's so much safer than letting it destroy the friendship that once blossomed between that zebra striped cocktail dress and your Doctor Who t-shirt. Trust me, I speak from experience.

So, if you don't love it, leave it hanging neatly on the fitting room attendants clothing rack - I hate the assholes that leave all the clothes on the floor for those poor women to pick up. I've worked retail, people can be dicks. Now, if you do love it, keep it! If you kind of like it, hold on to it while you go back out and look for something that you might like better. I try to keep a score in my head, 1 through 5. If it's a 4 or 5 keep it! If it's a 1 or a 2, leave it! If it's a 3, you obviously don't dislike it, but since you don't like it either I find this to be the worst score of the entire scale. It means this item is forgettable, it means that it is so blah to you that it has no redeeming qualities. Run away. No good can come of the faceless thing that stalks the store.

You can find the most amazing things, you just have to remember to try it on. Try it all on! Take everything in your size off the clearance rack that you don't immediately hate, and go to town. Seriously, it could be the best learning exercise anyone ever gives you.

Stop wearing sheer leggings with cropped shirts - you just look like you lost your pants.

Captain America for the Y Shapes by stevie-sm-williams featuring a matte eye shadow

Having no hips means that you can sometimes get away things that no one else can. One of those is the short overalls. They are relaxed and comfortable and (thankfully) have pockets. I do love pockets. I paired it with a simple, body skimming tank top in red. Don't wear bulky or cropped shirts with this if you are a Y shape. If you combine your wide shoulders with something that adds bulk to your mid section or something that shows off too much skin you'll end up looking bigger than you are, or pregnant.

Everything is red, white, and blue with the exception of the sunglasses. Everyone has their favorite pair and you should stick with those. My personal favorite are very Audrey Hepburn ala Breakfast At Tiffany's. When thinking about Cap, he wears almost all blue, with just a few hints of red and white. So I stuck with blue keds (comfy even without socks) and a blue sweatshirt for when it cools off later in the day.

The purse was a fun find, I like the way they did the patterns so it's not blatantly "Hey look, I'm a flag!" and yet is still obviously a US flag. I kept things casual because for me, Independence Day is about relaxing and having a good time with family and friends. Minimal neutral makeup, no jewelry, and awesome nails. I'm a bit of a nail polish whore. Personally I would cap off the outfit with a pony tail, keep it simple people.

Captain America for the Pear Shape! by stevie-sm-williams featuring embroidered hooded sweatshirts

I found these shorts that I really wish I could pull off, I love the high waist details with the buttons marching up, very 1940's pinup, which made the kind of perfect for Captain America. They aren't crazy short (though they are still short) and the way they tuck in show off the waist rather nicely. No pockets, sadly, but that's what the purse is supposed to be for.

The top is a cropped crocheted t-shirt with a snug camisole of the same color underneath. Tuck in the cami and let the crocheted shirt (note the nicely nipped waist) be loose over the top. It should just hit the top of the waistband on the shorts, keeping it flattering and making you look nice and curvy! The best part about this particular outfit is that the way the top is made makes it good for women with wider shoulders as well. So those Hourglass figures out there can also rock this outfit!

I paired it with natural makeup and a hoodie that buttons up the front rather than zipping, something that I find absolutely adorable. Plus it's another throwback detail to the fourties, not unlike the crocheted top and the details on the shorts.

Toss on some keds (socks optional. I hate wearing socks if I don't have to) your favorite pair of sunglasses, and some natural makeup. Don't forget primer, you want it to look good from whatever festivities you have going on in the morning through the fireworks of the evening.

Raccoon eyes don't even look all that hot on models - it just makes you look like you have crappy mascara that bled all over your face.

Inspiration Set: Korra (for the Pear Shape) by stevie-sm-williams featuring bootcut pants

This one is actually for my friend Caelin, who I really wish would become an evil genius and take over the world so that I she can gift me various cabana boys and I can live on a beach forever and always. Sadly I then start worrying about whether or not she'll then go on to create Skynet or something and who want's a robot disguised as AHnald to try and destroy the world? Not cool man, not cool. So I guess I'll just keep asking her to make me mechanical butterflies and teasing her for having the hips I wish I had.

Moving on! Boot cut trousers should be a pear shaped woman's best friend. They are a classic cut, fit straight through hip and thigh and have just that tiny bit of flare to keep your legs looking long and slim. Every woman should own a pair of nude pumps, they go with almost anything, and in this case they give another nod to Korra who sticks to blues and tans like all good Water Benders.

For summer pair it with a fitted, sleeveless, structured blouse and stick with nude/tan accessories. A pair of simple silver cuffs can keep you looking trendy and fun. I suggest minimal makeup to finish off your fresh, fun look.

Korra for the Y shape by stevie-sm-williams featuring keds

I love cropped pants for the summer work day. They show off cute shoes, they look flattering for most people (sometimes they make cankles look wider...) and you can dress them up or down quite easily. All in all, I vote them adorable.

For Korra we like to go with shades of blue and some tan accents for fun. I went with a stretch belt (to go over the shirt and cinch it in to show off your shape ladies) and some fun bangles since it's a sleeveless top. Keds are easy to run around in and look cute so long as they are kept clean. Pairing that with a navy pant (which keeps you cool, helps you look slim, and should have a high enough waist it doesn't fall off your hips) completes the clothing portion. Since they shirts front zipper will likely detract from a necklace I voted on simple earrings.

Like Korra I like to keep it simple when I can. Eyeliner, nude lipstick, and toss your hair in a ponytail. Nothing easier than that for a summer day at the office that can easily segue to a Geeks Who Drink trivia night!

Only really good Drag Queens can pull off micro-mini skirts without looking completely trashy.

Asassins Creed 3 for the Pear Shape by stevie-sm-williams featuring a military inspired jacket

I would like to say for the record that I wish I had an ass and hips. It makes me so stinking jealous when I see girls rocking a pencil skirt. I can't pull them off. I look dumpy and sad when I make the attempt so I've mostly given up. Mostly ...

A good work blazer should stop just above the swell of your hips to help the eye focus on a narrower waist and to keep it from wrinkling weird because you half sat on it at your desk. The skirt should come to just under or just over the knee (shorter legs should stick to a hemline just obove the knee.) The way the skirt hugs the hips and then tucks in and flares helps make you look curvy and still hides thicker thighs. Boots should never come over the knees, that shortens your leg, however when it comes to below the knee with a skirt that comes to just above, your legs look longer. If your jacket doesn't have a collar neither should your shirt. Put a belt over a looser shirt to tuck in your waist and help give you that hourglass shape.

Assassins Creed 3 for the "Y" Shape by stevie-sm-williams featuring a military style jacket

I love a good jacket, but a lot of them seem to highlight my extreme lack of hips. You can play that off with a flared skirt though. With a strong skirt remember not to go overboard with an in-your-face top though. Go with a simple boatneck to show off the wide shoulders and heels to make your legs look long.

This particular jacket is something I would LOVE to be able to pull off, sadly I'm uber-busty so it's not going to jive. I do have an awesome leather jacket with faux-frogging down the front like this though, it's got the princess seams to keep it nice and flattering. Remember, just because we have the same base shapes doesn't mean we can all look good in the same things. We need to accept these things (even if we really love those pencil skirts...) and move on.

Getting stuck on the things you want to wear can stop you from finding things that you can wear. Keep an open mind and remember to try things on at the store. Chances are if you have any kind of a figure at all you wont look good in something that looks amazing on a hanger. Hangers show off clothing meant for stick figures and children, not for real women. Don't let it get you down if you try it on and it doesn't look as good as you'd hoped. Move on to a new style that you've never tried before, you might be pleasantly surprised! You also might be completely horrified and not sure if you should gag or giggle, but that's why you go shopping with girlfriends. You show them and they make the decision on just how terribad that article of clothing really is.